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When my nineteenth birthday came around this year, I was a little worried that I would die a virgin (go ahead, it's okay to laugh haha). I was really into this guy at the time, and I had just found out that he was hooking up with one of my sorority sisters. I had briefly introduced them a while back at a party, but then she left and him and I had continued talking. The conversation flowed, and he asked for my number before I left so I gave it to him. I was too drunk to remember to ask for his back. Needless to say, I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I was a very verry happy girl that night just because he had given me his number.
He was older, so gorgeous, and funny. I love when they are funny! And he even had an artistic side. He's currently studying as an actor at a private college that I attended last semester (more on that later). The point is that I "fell" for him or so I thought because I felt like I had finally found someone intriguing. I actually pictured us hooking up*. I could see myself rustling my hands through his hair as he pulled me in closer for a deep, sensual kiss. I saw our tongues intertwining as our fingers explored our bodies. I barely knew him, and I still found myself envisioning fireworks and cheesy romantic movie montages!!
After that, he would always make sure to come up and say hi whenever he saw me but nothing had really happened between us. Before I knew it, Halloween weekend rolled around, and I had left campus to spend the night with my friends at USC. Hard Haunted was on my agenda. And it was soo much fun! Definitely go if you everrr have the chance!! The week or so after Halloween, my sorority sis, and I went to get dinner in the caf. Now this girl is seriously one of my favorites out of my pledge class. We got pretty close, and my favorite thing about her was how frank she was about everything. At dinner, we were catching up on how each other's weekends had went when all of a sudden...drum roll please...our actor friend had came up and approached our table.
Like an adolescent preteen that had just met Justin Bieber, I melted..but then I noticed something. He was definitely talking to the both of us, but my friend's smile looked like it was getting bigger and bigger. He then placed his hand on the table, smiled, and ever so slightly looked as though he was rocking back and forth as if to make his..ahem..member the full focus. I knew instantly after he left that they were hooking up. I could just tell. Body language is as revealing as they say.
Later at dinner, my friend confessed to me that they had started hooking up during Halloween weekend. They had ran into each other at a party and he had remembered her from when I had introduced them. He offered to drive her back to the dorms, and the rest is pretty much history. They hooked up the rest of the semester, and I got hear all about it. After a while I realized that he wasn't entirely the guy I had thought he was...my friend revealed to me that he wouldn't commit to just hooking up with her (and who could blame him, he's at a university with a ratio of about 10 pretty girls to 1 decent looking guy) even though they still had this "great connection". He was too busy hooking up with other freshmen in our dorms and I could see how it was driving her crazy. At first I didn't really understand why she was so upset about it, I mean we are in COLLEGE. It's all about partying and hooking up 24/7, am I right or am I right?? Well not exactly..ha that's how you get stds kiddos, and gross unwanted emotional baggage that distracts you from studying! Until now, thinking about stuff like that would've never crossed my mind...I was all for the RAGE, and living the college experience to the fullest..and admittedly I still kind of am.. just in a more cautious sense, but that's because I had never really hooked up with anyone before.
After listening to my friend's disappointment with her situation, I was sooo relieved that nothing had ended up happening between my actor crush and I. What if I had gotten "too attached" and maybe made a horrible mistake? I'm not upset at how things turned out. The only thing that really bothered me was the fact that I had repeatedly been told by other freshmen how similar my friend and I resembled each other. If we looked so much alike physically, why didn't my actor friend pursue me more than he did? I honestly doubt that it was personality related but maybe it was something more like.. preference for experience. My friend had been in a serious relationship for the last year, while I on the other hand was very fond of enjoying the single and noncommittal life because it made it easier to prevent myself from having sex with someone that I didn't care about. But can guys sense which girls are virgins and which are not?? I'd love to know your thoughts on my question!
After that whole fiasco, I was absolutely sure of the fact that I didn't just want some random meaningless hookup to bring an end to my innocence no matter how old I was..well not entirely ha but I felt strong in my convictions at the time. I loved going to parties and floating around and talking to which ever guy I wanted to without worrying about hurting someone's feelings or feeling like I did something wrong for casually flirting. I loved being free. And as cliche as it sounds, I didn't feel like I needed a boy to make me happy.
But then I met him. Let's call him Thomas for the sake of privacy.
To Be Continued...
*Guys take note: being able to see yourself with someone in that way is absolutely crucial to girls; if you are trying to hook up with one of your friends, and she keeps resisting, it's because she can't see you in that way, not because she doesn't want to ruin the "friendship." This fact is more often than not always true, unless of course she's married or in a relationship, and if that's the case, then you shouldn't be chasing* after her anywaaays you dirty dog you!
*We liked to be chased. Woo us. It'll make everything more exciting for the both of us! :)
